Gaia’s flatulence will kill us all!

Well, okay, not really. But that’s the gist of the latest doomsday theory, and this one blames BP for our upcoming extinction.

If you’ve spent any considerable length of time on the Internet lately — and not just its dark conspiratorial alleys — you may have run across a number of geological reports that read like the plot of a Jerry Bruckheimer movie: BP may have haphazardly tapped into a violent reservoir of methane gas deep below Earth’s surface, possibly setting off a chain of events that could lead to release of a “methane mega-bubble” capable of triggering floods of biblical proportions and emitting poisons into the atmosphere, effectively wiping humans off the face of the Earth.

Fortunately, it’s not true.

“I wouldn’t believe that at all,” Gregory Stone, director of the Louisiana State University Coastal Studies Institute, told us. “There’s a lot of press out there in regards to this event that is just inaccurate. We’ve got some of the best scientists in the world here, and we’re not concerned about that scenario at all.”

In fact, it’s apparently laughable.

Another prominent scientist we contacted thought that the reports were such hogwash that he declined to even offer a comment to refute them.

So relax, we’re not all going to die from a massive earth fart. Unless it’s “silent, but deadly.”

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